take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
