you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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