How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
