ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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