Cold hands, warm shart.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
