K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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