hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
