That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
