I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
