I will die if light touches me.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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