dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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