I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
