just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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