that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
