he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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