if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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