dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
