Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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