I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
