someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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