idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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