I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
