I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
