How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize