just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
