No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
