my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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