just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
