when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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