her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
