Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
