I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize