Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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