Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
