so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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