I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The Olympian is in my bed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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