Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
