Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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