I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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