god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
