Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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