Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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