did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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