And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
