I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
