You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
