i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
