No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
