Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The beer is more important than you right now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
