Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
