I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
