so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
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We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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