Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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