If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
