Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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