Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
