I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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