i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
