Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
