And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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