cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
