I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
