You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
