I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
