I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
