so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Two words: blizzard sex
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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