I cut my penus on the lid.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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