Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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