You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
