I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
